Do I Plead Guilty?

Im so upset.......in the past few months i have felt like shit, felt like a load of crap, felt useless, worthless, jobless, aimless.....but i havent felt quite as bad as i am feeling rite now....today im movng around in fear of ruining a very very dear friendship and of losing a very dear friend, one of my best friends.....all cuz of me.....or so i am to think......the worst part is im helpless...becuz nuthing i say or do now can change wot has happened....and its killing me to know dat i cant make things allright....its also killing me to find dat im still unable to blame myself for this....its not ego, its my conscience.....i dunno if my conscience is misplaced but it has supported me in my actions.................da past few days have been such a roller coaster ride...everythings been moving so fast that i havent really had time to think.....think....maybe dats smething i shd have done....no hang on.... i did think, i thought a LOT.....i guess i just wasnt thinking right....dats wen u need smeone to guide you....at the moment, i have no one to confide in....not for a while......but im so restless...had to get my frustrations out in some form..... i guess dat xplains da reason for this absurd blog....if u cared to give it a read, my apologies to u for an absolutely senseless post....for the time being, im gonna practice patience......cheers